Ever have those weeks where you struggle to define yourself? Caught in between the conflicting cliches “Be Yourself” and “Be who you want yourself to be?” 

Three of the voices seem audible, most of the time; a constant conflict for common ground, the battle for balance between a hedonistic heaven, and a forever fleeting fulfillment. Plato said that these three voices, vegetative, rational, and spiritual, constitute the soul, and that true justice is found when these three voices find harmony and mutual understanding. Freud fancied a similar psyche with three voices, the id (animalistic, hedonic cravings), the ego (rational thought, cognitive behavior), and the super ego (Indoctrinated beliefs and attitudes), which, however unfounded, I feel I can identify with. 

Often times I feel at war within myself.

I have exalted my id, I think our entire culture has done likewise, and in so doing, created an insatiable hunger for more instant gratification. I always have 3 handful’s of project on the go, in purgatory usually, and only accumulate more when the slightest scent of gratification is present. I seem to like the idea of starting a project and the idea of finishing, but not the actual activity, lest it be anything similar to eating cake of course. Just like this blog entry. My id wants to stop writing. I’m currently receiving a sub-par level of gratification and I can’t help but think: ”There are more efficient ways of receiving utility.” 

If pressed, I think I’d identify my philosophy as Utilitarian Hedonism. That said, my id is the closest thing to a deity I have… It sickens me to envision my rational self, my ego, on his knees worshiping the most animalistic function of my mind…

Fuck, feed, and fall… I need a new philosophy.

Both the euphoria of fulfillment and the despair of depression exist only within the disparity of one’s ideal self-conception, and one’s actual.

iiww: (if it weren’t weird) I’d tell at least 20 strangers a day that they’re beautiful, and mean it.

You bang on my door like a knock knock joke I’m scared to hear the punch line too,

cause the who always turns out to be you and it’s always nothing new,

and we’ve been through the same old sing-along song and lap-dance before,

It’s like you tore a page out of the playbook and you’ve been trying to reinvent the paper airplane,

Folding each piece until there’s a crease running in every direction, 

and that shit won’t fly…

Write on Sir Koyczan, write on. :)

Can’t watch the rest of the game. Makes me a sad panda :(

We got humiliated! Wow!

Soo tonight marks the beginning of the December Essay Challenge! 

A buddy of mine and I have decided to attempt to write a 500 word essay every day on a completely random website we stumble upon for the entirety of December. Now I’m entirely aware that some of these essays may turn out horrible and ill conceived but I’m hoping it may help me actually develop opinions on topics I could care less about. 

We’ll see how it goes, should be an agonizing month to say the least :P

Excuse me please, Diogenes,

Father of this sweet disease,

Set this cynics mind at ease,

Teach me how to be set free.

To be the nomad nihist,

a vagabond of bondless bliss,

to have no home, no right, no rule,

but to find true liberty in lieu…